either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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