my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
