Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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