you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
