My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
