Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
