please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
