it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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