dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
