nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
