after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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