Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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