All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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