Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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