woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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