real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
