Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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