I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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