why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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