I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
