They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
