mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
