my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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