i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
