Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
