the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
