I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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