I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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