The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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