your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
