so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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