wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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