You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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