please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
