Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
