if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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