maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
