Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
