On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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