Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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