You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
