i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
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