Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
