i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
