dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
two words...techno handjob
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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