i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
