why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
