I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
