You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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