dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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