Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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