areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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