let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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