True but thats because hes a fetus.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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