Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
