i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i dont even know how to be here
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
