can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Your cock deserves a montage
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
