Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
