I don't remember. Are we still dating?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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