he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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