I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
