thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
