you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
