watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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