It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
