Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
