I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
only if we run a train.
done.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
