her vagine was all disorganized.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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