How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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