Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
