well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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