Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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