alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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