Soap is not a condiment
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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