We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
