So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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