i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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