I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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