What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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