maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
