I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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