kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
