And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
