she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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